Under My Skin
by Faolin
Summary: New Chapter! What happened if things had gone differently in the first season? TJ
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** Faolin  
**Rating:** R  
**Summary:** What happened if things had gone differently in the first season?

**Disclaimer:** I obviously don't own Instant Star…which pretty much stinks.

_Under My Skin_

**Chapter 1**

Jude threw the notebook she had been writing in to the floor. It was no use. There was no way she was going to be able to write a song. She was too upset; about so many different things, that right now the only thing she wanted to do was scream. _Really, really loud_, she thought. She was in the recording studio, but she didn't feel like recording anything.

It had been two days since her dad had told her mom about the affair, and she had watched him with his suitcase in hand, waiting at the door. Sadie had hugged him, but when he turned to her, she couldn't help it. She looked away. She didn't want to hug him. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't even want to _look_ at him. He had betrayed her, betrayed her mom, and betrayed their family. He was her dad, but all she could think about was how he had hurt her, them, so bad, and how much she hated him for it.

"Jude, I'm out." Kwest's head popped into the room. She nodded.

"Okay. See you tomorrow Kwest." He nodded, and with a "Yo" his head popped back out just as quickly as it had appeared. She glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that it was 11:55. Jude sighed, running a hand over her face. She was tired, but she didn't want to go home. It would just be her and her mom. Sadie was probably out at a friend's house. She wouldn't be back tonight. Not that it would matter. Their mom had been quiet since _that_ night. There hadn't been any screaming, just silence. _Which was way worse_, she thought.

But not only did she have to deal with her father gone and mother quiet, but she had to deal with her sister as well. Sadie hadn't said a word to her since that night, and she had a strong feeling her sister wasn't happy with her. _Why is all this crap happening to me?_ She let her head fall into her hands. _It's not fair. _She felt tears prickling behind her eyelids, but she wasn't going to let them fall. She cleared her throat, lifting her head up, wiping swiftly at her eyes. No more crying. This was her life, and she had to deal with it.

She stood up from her seat and went out into the hallway, looking to see if anyone was around. After she was satisfied no one was in the immediate area, she went back into the room and shut the door behind her. Tommy hadn't been in today, Georgia had said he called in sick. _Yeah, right_. Jude knew way he hadn't come into today, and it definitely wasn't because he was sick.

But, she was actually relieved he hadn't come in. That would have been awkward, given their last conversation, when Jude had told him to get over himself. Yes, that was fresh in her memory. That, and the kiss, which she believed was never going to leave her memory. Ever. It had been—

_No_. she wasn't going to think about that. Not anymore. What good did it do her? None. So she wasn't going to think about it. She was going to record her song, and then she was going… well, she wasn't sure what she was going to do after that, but she needed to record the song, and she was going to.

She grabbed her acoustic guitar, and sat down on her stool. She made sure the microphone was in front of her, and clicked the record button. Her fingers found the cords, and she started to play.

"_I drift away to a place  
Another kind of life  
Take away the pain  
I create my paradise_,"

She licked her lips, closing her eyes before continuing.

"_Everything I've held  
Has hit the wall  
What used to be yours  
Isn't yours at all_,"

It hurt, singing this song. It reminded her about her dad, and about Tommy, neither of whom she wanted to think about at the moment.

"_Falling apart, and all that I'm asking  
Is it a crime, am I overreacting_,"

It was about Tommy, even though she had told him it wasn't. Not all of it, but a big part of it, had been all about him. He had hurt her, even if he hadn't meant to.

"_Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie_,"

It had been about the people in her life, whether they meant it or not, hurting her. Making her feel like this, sad, and angry, and just… making her feel like _this_.

"_So what you had didn't fit  
Among the pretty things  
But never fear, never fear  
I now know where you've been_,"

"_Braids have been un-tied  
As ribbons fall away  
Leave the consequence  
But my tears you'll taste_,"

"_Falling apart and all that I question  
Is this a dream or is this my lesson_,"

It had taught her something though, it had taught her to be more guarded, with other people. To know that even if you cared about them, even if you _loved_ them, they could, at any moment, completely destroy you.

"_Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie_,"

But more than making her feel depressed and sad, it made her angry. So, _so_ angry. And singing this, she had a place to let it out. To let them know that they hurt her.

"_I don't believe I'll be alright  
I don't believe I'll be okay  
I don't believe how you've thrown me away  
I do believe you didn't try  
I do blame you for every lie  
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine_,"

She wanted to let them know that she wasn't alright, and she _wasn't_ okay. And she wasn't going to just sit there and let them do this to her, make her feel like this, without saying anything about it.

"_Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie_,"

"_Oh my permission to sin  
You might've started my reckoning  
I've got a reason now to bury him alive  
Another little white lie_."

She swallowed, feeling the tears prick her eyes again, and this time, she didn't try to stop them. She let them fall. She clicked off the record button, sliding off the stool onto the floor. Her guitar fell onto the floor next to her, but she didn't care. A sob erupted from her mouth, and she let it go, because even if she had wanted to stop it, she wouldn't have been able to.

She didn't move or say anything when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her, she just cried, because right here, right now, she couldn't do anything else. She let the person, who, somehow, she just knew was Tommy, pull her to them. Her head fell against his chest, and she could feel his t-shirt getting wet from her tears. But she didn't care. She didn't care that she was mad at him right now; she just wanted him to hold her, to pretend, if only for a little while, that everything was okay.

"Jude, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…" She heard Tommy speak, but didn't say anything. Her tears were slowing down, and her sobs had faded to a dull ache. The room was filled with silence, with the occasional sniffle from her. She let herself enjoy being wrapped in Tommy's arms for a moment longer before pulling away. She met his eyes, and felt his hands on her face, his thumbs brushing away her tears. She jerked back, standing up quickly.

"I have to go." She grabbed her jacket, which was lying on the sofa, turning towards the door.

"Jude, wait. Please don't leave. Not like this." She paused, her hand on the door handle. She turned back to him.

"What do you want from me, Tommy?" She spoke softly, her voice still laced with leftover tears.

"Jude…" His face was pained, like he was holding something in. He walked towards her, stopping only a foot away. "I want you to talk to me."

"I don't want to talk, Quincy. I'm tired. I want to go…" But she stopped, unsure what to say. She _didn't_ want to go home. She didn't want to deal with her sad mother and a sister who hated her. She didn't want to go home to that silent house. It was amusing, actually, because she had always loved it when the house was silent, so she could practice with no noises. But this… she hated the silence now.

"Jude, please. We can't keep going on like this. _You_ can't keep going on like this." Tommy spoke softly, gesturing to her. "Look at yourself, you're exhausted. You barely talk to anyone. You—"

"I get it," Jude broke him off stiffly. "I'm fine." She turned around, intending to open the door and leave when Tommy's hand came over her shoulder and pushed the door shut. She turned back around, annoyed. Why couldn't he just leave her alone?

"Tommy, what are you doing? I want to leave." She glared at him as she spoke. "Now."

"Listen to me, Jude." He spoke, glancing down at the floor. "I need you to listen to me, okay? Please?" He glanced up again, meeting her eyes, pleading with her. She let out a breath and nodded.

"Good." Tommy pushed off the door and walked back over to the sofa, sitting down on one side. He motioned for Jude to do the same. She did, but sat on the opposite end. She waited for Tommy to speak, but when he said nothing, she spoke.

"Are you going to talk? Or can I leave?" He glanced at her, pursing his lips.

"This isn't easy to talk about, Jude, okay? I mean… you're sixteen. I shouldn't be talking to you about this at all, but I…" Jude's mind was buzzing as Tommy spoke. _What was he getting at? _

""But I what," Tommy? You don't want to have a relationship with me? You don't like me? What? 'Cause you aren't being very clear and—"

"Jude, no! I just… I'm twenty-two, you're sixteen. We can't have a relationship. Not yet. I'm your producer. G-Major wouldn't be happy if they found out—"

"Yeah, yeah. I get it." She sighed. She knew this already.

"Jude, we can't have a relationship. Not now." Tommy spoke softly. He slid over to her side of the sofa, his hand on her face and turning it towards his. "If you still want to have a relationship, I mean a _real_ relationship, we have to wait. I'm not saying we can't… we can't be around each other, it just can't get serious. We have to cool it. Okay?"

It hurt, him saying this to her. But she knew it was true, that they would probably get into some trouble if they were together now. And she also knew that she was never going to find another guy like Tommy, and that she would more than want to be with him even if she had to wait. She looked up when she felt his hand on her face again, his eyes questioning hers. She nodded.

"Okay." He gave her a small smile.

"Good. Now you want to tell me what else is going on with you?" She looked down at her hands in her lap, fiddling with her rings, opening her mouth twice before actually speaking.

"My dad's having an affair. I found out…" She looked up, staring at her guitar still lying abandoned on the floor. "I found out that day when you came to talk to me. I thought I was the only one who knew, but I found out that Sadie already knew, and she begged me not to tell mom. I didn't."

She moistened her lips before continuing, her mouth becoming dry as she spoke. "But I just… I couldn't do it. That night when I sang my song at Open Mic, I told my dad he had to tell her. That it wasn't fair to make me lie to her." She glanced over at Tommy, tears starting to form in her eyes again.

"He told her, and then he left." She swallowed. "Sadie won't talk to me now. Mom is quiet all the time. I haven't seen my dad since that night, and I don't want to. I hate him. I hate him for doing this to us. I hate him for doing this to _me_!" She stopped, the tears sliding down her face silently. She lifted her eyes to met Tommy's. "I hate him. I know I shouldn't because he's my dad. But I still do."

"I know," he sighed. "It's okay, Jude. It's okay to hate him. What he did was wrong, and you shouldn't have to deal with it." He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her to his side. She felt his chin rest on top on her head. "I'm sorry."

"What am I supposed to do?" Jude questioned softly. She felt Tommy kiss her head, and felt his arm tighten around her.

"Just worry about yourself, Jude. You can't do anything else. This is something your parents have to work out on their own. And Sadie… she'll come around. She's just upset." He spoke softly. She nodded against his chest. She hoped so.

"It's late; I'll give you a ride home." Jude nodded, pulling herself away from Tommy. She stood, grabbing her coat again. She followed him out the door, but stopped before she was out. Tommy looked back at her questioningly.

"I'll be out in a sec." He nodded and walked away, leaving Jude alone. She walked over to her guitar, still lying on the ground. She picked it up, looking it over carefully. She traced a small dent she found on the side. That had happened tonight when she had dropped it. She set it in its case carefully, shutting it and running a hand over the black surface. "Sorry about the dent. I was just upset. I'll try not to let it happen again, though. I know you probably didn't enjoy it." She looked one last time at the case before heading out the door to the car, where Tommy was waiting for her.

_TBC…_

**A/N:** Reviews are loved!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the comments, guys!! Here's the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy; and don't forget to review please!!

_Under My Skin_

**Chapter 2**

_4 weeks later…_

"Hi, honey." Jude glanced up from her bowl of cereal as her mother walked into the kitchen. She nodded, glancing back down at the comics she had been reading. "How was the studio?" She shrugged, glancing up again, watching as her mom started the coffee machine.

"It was fine. I recorded a new song." Her mom nodded, waiting for the coffee.

"Oh?" She filled a cup with coffee and came to sit across from her. "That's nice."

"Yeah."

"Listen, honey." Her mom glanced up at her. "I don't want you to be mad at your father." Jude opened her mouth to respond but her mom raised her hand. "Let me finish." Jude shut her mouth reluctantly. "I know you're mad at him, but he's your father, and you can't stay that way forever."

"_That's debatable_." Jude muttered softly under her breath. She had planned on hating him for a very long time, possibly forever. Her mom sighed.

"I knew something had been off for a while with your father and me, but I just didn't want to think about what it could mean. Now I realize that was a mistake." Jude glanced down at her cereal, uncomfortable. "But that doesn't matter now, because it's in the past. I know you may not want to hear this, but your father and I have talked about it, and we think it's best if we separate." Jude glanced up quickly.

"What?"

"We're getting a divorce, sweetie." She said this sadly, and all Jude could do was stare. A_ divorce?_ She knew that this was a possibility, but she hadn't thought it would actually _happen_. There was a small cry from the hallway, and Jude and her mother glanced up. Sadie was standing in the doorway, tears streaking her face, glaring at Jude.

"I told you this would happen. This is all your fault, Jude! You just couldn't keep your stupid little mouth shut!" With that said, Sadie turned and ran up the stairs. Jude turned to her mom, who was already moving towards the stairs.

"I'll go talk to her. Don't worry about it, Jude. She's just upset." Jude nodded numbly, not really listening. All she could hear was Sadie yelling at her, telling her it was her fault. And it was. Why couldn't she have just kept her mouth shut? Then none of this would have happened. They would have been a family, not in pieces. Jude swallowed; her throat suddenly dry.

She stood and grabbed her backpack, heading for the door. She had to go to school. She didn't feel like sitting in classes all day, but she didn't want to stay _here_. At least school was almost over. Just a couple of more weeks and it would be summer. And then… well, she wasn't sure what was going to happen, but she knew she wasn't staying here.

----------

After school, Jamie and Kat had convinced her to go to the mall with them and hang out. She didn't really feel like it, but she hadn't hung out with either of them in a while, and she missed them.

"Hey, Jude, you going to drink that milkshake?" Jude glanced over at Jamie, who was cramming his mouth full of French fries. She smirked; shaking her head and sliding the melting drink over to him. Kat cleared her throat, and Jude turned towards her.

"What's up?"

"Jude, there's uh… there's something we want to tell you." Kat spoke softly. Jude frowned.

"Okay…"

"Well, um… me and… I mean… well…"

"Kat and I are dating." Jude whipped her head around to Jamie, who had spoken. Her mouth fell open. She glanced back at Kat, who nodded weakly. _What? _Kat and Jamie were _dating_ each other?

"For how long?" Jude spoke, still shocked.

"Since before your sweet sixteen party." Jude gaped at them. _Were they serious?_

"Right." She looked down at the table. _How could they have been dating for that long and not tell her? They were her best friends, and they couldn't tell her they were dating each other?_ "I gotta go to the studio. I'll talk to you guys later." She stood and walked away quickly. _How was it that everyone in her life that she loved was always lying to her?_

----------

"Hey Georgia, E.J." They both nodded to her as she walked into G-Major, making her way to her recording room. Tommy was already there, playing around with one of the guitars. She watched him for a moment before knocking on the open door and walking in. He looked up, giving her a smile.

"Hey, Girl." She nodded, throwing her backpack onto the floor. She flopped down onto the sofa, sighing. She opened one eye and glanced at Tommy.

"Why is it that everyone in my life loves to lie to me?" He set the guitar down, walking over to the sofa. He grabbed her feet and lifted them up, sitting down and depositing them onto his lap.

"Is this about your dad?" He asked after a moment. Jude closed her eye.

"No." She finally spoke. "Jamie and Kat just told me they've been dating each other since before my sweet sixteen, and they hadn't told me. Why wouldn't they tell me? They've been lying to me. We're supposed to be best friends, and they lied to me. _Have _been lying to me." She opened her eyes when she felt Tommy's hand on her jean covered leg.

"Maybe they were afraid of what you would say." He spoke.

"It doesn't matter. They should have told me." She said, looking away from him.

"Maybe. But you still would have been mad."

"I wouldn't have been mad, I just…" She trailed off. Okay, she probably still would have been mad. Or would she? She didn't have feelings for Jamie, at least not those kinds of feelings. If Kat and Jamie we're happy together, then she was happy for them. But they had lied, and right now… she didn't need anyone else lying to her.

"How about we get to work?" She glanced up at Tommy and nodded.

"Yeah, okay."

----------

"Do you hate us?" Kat spoke, jumping up as Jude walked into her house. She jumped back, shocked. She glanced around and saw Jamie sitting on the sofa looking unhappy. She dropped her bag onto the floor, shutting the front door behind her.

"No," she sighed, flopping down on the sofa next to Jamie. "I don't hate you guys. I just wish you hadn't lied to me for so long."

"I know," Kat spoke again, her fiddling with her fingers. "But we thought you'd be mad."

"Madder than if you waited this long to tell me?"

"Well… we hadn't really thought about that." Kat sat down next to her. "But we're really sorry, Jude. We know we should have told you." Jude sighed.

"It's okay, I just… I don't need anyone else lying to me, okay?" She glanced at Kat then to Jamie. "Especially you guys. You're my best friends."

"We know. And it will never happen again, Jude." Jamie spoke, inching forward in his seat. "We promise."

"Okay." Jude glanced between the two of them. "So you guys are happy, right?" Kat grinned.

"Well, he's not Orlando Bloom, but…" Jude laughed as Jamie threw a pillow in Kat's direction. Finally, something _normal_ happening.

_TBC…_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks again for the wonderful comments, guys! I acually started this story a while ago, and just decided to post it here. It was originally posted at my IS board. Come join! http://temporaryinsanity(dot)hyperboards(dot)com/

_Under My Skin_

**Chapter 3**

_Five months later…_

"Happy Birthday, Jude!" The sound of her mother's voice in her ear woke Jude up from a sound sleep. She groaned, slowly opening her eyes, wincing when the sunlight hit them. Whatever time it was, it was _way_ too early. Plus, Jude knew for a fact that it was a Saturday, and she didn't have to go to school. She glanced at her mom, who was sitting on the end of her bed smiling at her.

"What time is it?" She rubbed a hand over her eyes, yawning.

"It's nine, silly." Her mom said, already standing and pulling Jude's covers away.

"No! Mom, please, can't I just sleep?" She closed her eyes again, hoping that by doing so her mom would vanish and she could go back to sleep.

"Jude! It's your birthday! I made you your birthday creeps!" Her mom spoke, brushing Jude's hair back with her hand. "And… they have strawberries and whipped cream on them…" Jude's eyes snapped open. Her mom laughed. "Thought I might get you with the strawberries and whipped cream part. Come on, let's go eat."

"Fine." Jude groaned as she rolled out of bed, following her mom down to the kitchen, where she almost died of shock from Jamie and Kat jumping out and yelling "Happy Birthday!" as loud as humanly possible.

"God, guys, you scared the shit out of me!" She smacked Jamie on the shoulder.

"Jude! Language!" Her mother's voice rang from over the stove. Jude rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, mom." She turned back to Jamie and Kat. She smiled at them. "So… what'd you guys get me?"

"What? Isn't our friendship enough?" Jamie spoke. Jude snorted.

"You wish." She thanked her mom as a huge plate of strawberry filled creeps topped with whipped cream appeared in front of her, and stuffed a bite into her mouth, turning back to Jamie while she was chewing. "Well, what is it?"

"Well, since we don't have any other boxes to dig up, I figured I had to get you something." Jamie spoke, glancing at Kat slyly. "We got you something together."

"But not because we're together." Kat broke in, pointing to her and Jamie.

"Right." Jamie nodded, turning back to Jude. "It was mostly because we could only afford it together." Kat nodded. Jude set her fork down, glancing between the two of them.

"Okay, now you guys have to tell me." She said.

"Okay… well, here." Jamie reached in his pocket and pulled out a white envelope. He handed it to her. "Happy Birthday, Jude." Kat smiled at her as she took the envelope from Jamie. She couldn't help the grin that formed on her face. What was it? Hoping to answer that question, she slid her finger under the slit and torn the envelope open. Three pieces of paper fell out. They looked like tickets. Jude picked on up, reading the text. Her mouth fell open.

"No way!" She spoke, stunned. She looked up at Jamie and Kat. "Is this for real?" Kat grinned, accidentally hitting Jamie in the face with her flying hand.

"Ouch!" Jamie rubbed his face.

"Sorry." Kat patted his arm apologetically. She turned back to Jude. "Well? What do you think? Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding me?" Jude's grin had grown even wider. "Going to a Green Day concert!? Hell yes I like it!" She jumped up from her seat and brought both of her friends into a tight hug. "Thank you guys so much! This is so awesome!" She sat back down in her seat, glancing down at the three pieces of paper. "Gee… I wonder who I should bring with me…"

"What?!" Jamie and Kat's outraged cries made her laugh.

"I'm just kidding, guys." She said, smiling. "But thanks, really. This is great."

----------

"Happy Birthday, Girl." Jude grinned as she turned to greet the voice that had spoken. She was at the studio, trying to finish writing a song. Granted it was her birthday, and she probably didn't need to work, but she had felt inspired and felt like writing. Besides, it wasn't all that happy of a day. She still hadn't talked to her dad yet. Since that night their relationship had been strained. _Very strained. _Jude barely spoke to him, only when she absolutely had to. And even then, it was only a few words. She just… couldn't forgive him.

"Hey, Tommy." She broke her thought off and looked up at him. "What's up?"

"What's up?" Tommy sat down across. "It's your birthday, that's what's up." Jude rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah. So?" She glanced back down at her guitar, fiddling with the strings.

"So? Georgia told me you didn't want to have a party." Jude looked up, and shrugged. _Why would she want to have a party? Does anyone remember what happened at the last one? No, thank you._

"Gee, I don't know why…" She gave Tommy a look, to which he let out a breath.

"Jude—"

"I know, I know." She spoke softly, setting her guitar down. "But I just don't want to have one, okay? Maybe next year. But right now… I just don't want one."

"Okay, fair enough." Tommy stood from his seat. Jude opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, he had walked out of the room. She shut her mouth. Fine, if he was just going to walk out in the middle—

"Oh my God!" Jude gasped when Tommy walked back into the room, this time carrying a brand new shiny black acoustic guitar. Tommy held it out for her, and she took it from him in shock. It was beautiful. It was a shiny black Ibanez with a pearl inlay around the center. Jude opened her mouth to thank him when she saw something on the side of the neck, facing her when she held it. It was writing, engraved into the guitar. It said, _To Jude, Happy Birthday girl. Yours always, Tommy_. She felt her eyes start to tear, and she blinked quickly before looking up at Tommy.

"Tommy… this is…" She shut her mouth, having no words to express what this meant to her. She set the guitar down and stood, wrapping her arms around Tommy, who was still standing. "It's beautiful, Tommy. I love it." She felt Tommy's face resting on her head, and she resisted the urge to run her fingers through his hair. She pulled back, only enough to see his face. "Thank you."

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly. She caught his eyes as she pulled back, and before she could even think, their lips had met, moving against each other frantically. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, holding him to her. One of his arms was on her back, the other on the back of her head, keeping her in place. She was in heaven. Kissing Tommy, being this close to him, was the best feeling in the world. Nothing could top it. _Well, maybe playing her guitar_, she thought. But it wasn't the same. When she played the guitar, she got a rush, but it didn't even compare to the rush she got when she was touching Tommy.

"Jude… we can't." They had pulled back finally, both out of breath. They were both breathing heavily, their foreheads rested against each other. Their eyes were locked onto each other. She wanted him… _this_… _so_ bad. Being around him all day and never being able to touch him, kiss him… it was horrible, and almost unbearable. If it weren't for the fact that Tommy could possibly get in trouble, Jude would have done this a long time ago. But she knew he was right. They couldn't do this. Not now. Not yet.

"I know…" She spoke softly. Neither of them moved. They just simply stood there, still holding each other; still staring at each other. Jude moistened her lips without thinking about it, still breathing deeply. Tommy was watching her, and he groaned when she did this.

"Jude…" His lips crashed down on hers again. She sighed, letting him pull her closer to him. Their bodies were touching, their chests were pressed together. She felt his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth, and she opened it, letting him in. They broke apart quickly when they heard a knock on the door. A moment later it opened. It was… Shay.

"Jude?" He glanced between her and Tommy. "Can I talk to you?" He glanced at Tommy, clearly unhappy to see him. "Alone?" Jude just stood there, unsure what to say. She hadn't seen Shay since… well, for a long time. She glanced at Tommy, who didn't look like he was moving, watching Shay with obvious dislike.

"It's okay, Tommy." His gazed moved to hers, lingering a moment before nodding. He walked out the door, and Jude noticed how he "accidentally" rammed his shoulder into Shay's as he walked past him. She fought down a grin. _Tommy being protective_. She loved it. Once Tommy was gone, Shay walked into the room.

"So… how've you been?" She wrapped her arms around herself. She didn't like being around Shay anymore. She was over the fact that he had cheated on her. She was over _him_. But even so, she didn't feel like spending any time with him. He had tried to talk to her before, but for the most part she had avoided him.

"Fine." Jude picked up her guitar; the one Tommy had just given her. It was so beautiful, and so perfect. She would keep this guitar forever. And every time she looked at it, or played it, she would think of him.

"Listen, Jude," she turned back to Shay. "I want you to come on my tour with me this summer." Jude let out a breath.

"Are you serious?" She questioned him. She didn't wait for an answer. "It doesn't matter. Sorry, but no. I don't want to. But thanks for asking." She turned, intending to open the door when Shay's hand on her arm pulled her back.

"Jude, please," Shay spoke softly. "Look, I know you turned down the offer last summer, but this would be even better then that. I've missed you, a lot. Can't we just start over?"

"No, Shay." She pulled her arm from his grasp. "We can't. It's been way too long. Listen… I… we can be friends. But that's it, okay? I don't want to be your girlfriend."

"We were so good together, Jude."

"Yeah, until you cheated on me with the blonde bimbo." Jude opened the door. "I'll talk to you later, Shay." She motioned for him to leave.

"Fine." He walked out the door. Before Jude could shut it, Shay spoke. "Happy Birthday, Jude." She stopped, glancing up at him. He looked sincere. She nodded.

"Thanks, Shay." She reached up, giving him a quick hug. "I miss dancing with you. You were the best dance partner I've ever had." He grinned.

"Maybe we can go dancing together sometime," he said, quickly adding, "as friends." Jude nodded.

"Yeah, that would be fun." She said softly. She gave him a small smile. "Bye, Shay." He nodded and walked off, leaving Jude standing in the doorway alone. Just as she was about to shut the door again Tommy walked back into the room. Jude waited until he was in before closing it. She turned around, and found Tommy standing off to the side.

"So… are you and Shay…" He spoke softly, obviously thinking something had happened between her and Shay. She stared at him for a moment.

"Wait, what?" Realization dawned on her after a moment, and she fought the urge to laugh. "Oh, no. He just… I mean, _he_ wanted to… but I, I mean… I don't—"

"Jude, I don't want you to feel like you can't date." Tommy spoke.

"What?" She stared at him incredulously. "You want me to date other guys? So what the hell just happened between us before? Nothing? God, Tommy. I'm just never right with you!"

"Jude, I didn't mean—"

"Then what did you mean, Tommy?" She spat out. "Because I don't know! You make me so confused! First you kiss me and make me feel like the only girl in the entire world, and then you go and tell me to date other guys." She felt tears forming in her eyes. This was not going well. But she couldn't help it. It was true.

"Jude—"

"No, Tommy." She grabbed her bag off the chair and walked towards the door. "I don't care. When you figure out what you want from me, please, tell me, because," she turned back to him, "right now, all you're doing is hurting me." She walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her. This was definitely not going how she had planned.

_TBC…_

Review please!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! They really make my day (and make me want to write more!)

_Under My Skin_

**Chapter 4**

Jude was in the process of calling her mom for a ride home, because there was no _way_ she was asking Tommy for one. He hadn't tried to follow her out, and Jude had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that the studio was busy that day. Plenty of people around to see her and Tommy argue.

"Ass." Jude cursed silently to herself, fumbling in her bag for her phone. She had it in her hand when she heard Georgia call her name. She turned around as the older woman stopped in front of her. "Hey, Georgia."

"Jude, I'm glad I caught you." Georgia gave her a short smile. "Listen, I know you didn't want a party this year, but the label wants to throw one for you anyway." Jude started to protest, but Georgia raised a hand to stop her. "It's just a small one, a few people here and there. And… there's a present included." Jude was about to say no, but paused, considering. Well, she wouldn't _mind_ getting a present…

"What kind of present?" She questioned suspiciously. Georgia smiled.

"The really good kind." Jude watched her for a moment, thinking. It wouldn't be _that _bad. It definitely couldn't be as bad as last year. And she could bring Jamie and Kat. _And_ she'd get a present…

"Okay, fine," she sighed, glancing sideways at Georgia. "But I get to pick what I wear."

"At least let E.J go with you to pick something out." Jude rolled her eyes.

"Fine." She turned to walk to the parking lot. "It better be a good present!" She heard Georgia laugh behind her. Jude turned and started walking again towards the parking lot. She flipped her phone open, intending to call her mom when she spotted Shay slipping into, surprisingly, not a limo, but rather a car. Of course, it _was_ a Porsche Boxster, which in some opinions, hers included, was _way_ better then a limo.

Jude glanced down at her phone, then back to Shay. Well… why make her mom drive all the way over here when Shay could easily give her a ride? Her mind made up, Jude slipped her phone back into her bag and quickly walked over to Shay. He looked surprised when he spotted her.

"Got room for one more?" Jude grinned at him, sticking her hands in her pockets. Shay grinned back, nodding his head.

"Hop in."

----------

"Are you sure it isn't… uh… I don't know. What is it?" Jude glanced up at the mirror past her reflection to Kat's. They were at a clothing store in the mall, which EJ had, of course, had closed just for Jude. She'd tried to refuse, but, well… it was EJ. It was easier to just let her do what she wanted. And besides, having a store all to yourself? Not that bad.

"It's hot, Jude." Kat spoke, grinning at her. "_That's_ what it is." Jude glanced back at her own reflection. She had on her black converse, snug worn jeans, and a gorgeous black corset with lace and ribbon, which she was starting to fall madly in love with. She grinned.

"Okay… I do look pretty good." Kat nodded.

"Totally. But… it needs something." Jude glanced back at Kat as she disappeared behind a corner. After a moment, she came racing back. She handed Jude what looked like a black ribbon.

"Uh… what am I supposed to do with this?" Kat rolled her eyes, grabbed the ribbon, and proceeded to tie it around Jude's neck. She stepped back once she was done, and Jude had to agree with her. The outfit looked perfect now.

"Nice." She spoke, while turning to EJ, who had been talking on her cell phone. EJ glanced over and almost did a double take. She snapped her phone shut and walked over to Jude. She looked her up and down. Jude grinned.

"How'd we do?" EJ nodded.

"Not bad." She spoke, glancing at Kat for a moment. "The press will love it."

"The press isn't the _only_ one who's going to love it." Kat spoke, looking at Jude meaningfully. Of course, Jude knew who she was referring to. Tommy. EJ was back on her phone, and Jude shook her head at Kat, but glanced back in the mirror, looking at herself. Okay, maybe she had picked the outfit out with Tommy in mind, but she definitely wasn't going to admit to it.

----------

"Jamie, hurry _up_! We're going to be late!" Kat was looking anxious, glancing at Jude, who was dressed and ready, sitting on the sofa with a magazine, and the bathroom, where Jamie was still doing god knows what.

"I'll be done in a minute!" Jamie's voice shouted back. Jude covered her mouth with her had, trying to contain her laughter. She really didn't care if they were late. And it was just plain amusing to watch Kat stress out over the fact that Jamie takes longer in the bathroom then either of them do. Put _together_. Kat narrowed her eyes at her.

"Jude, it's your party! Don't you want him to hurry up?" Jude shrugged.

"Whatever. I don't really care. It's just going to be a bunch of people I don't know—" Kat was looking at her with _that_ look and Jude shut up. She rolled off the sofa and walked over to the bathroom. "JAMIE, IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF THAT BATHROOM RIGHT NOW I WILL INFORM EVERY PERSON I KNOW ABOUT THAT LITTLE INCIDENT YOU HAD IN THE SEVENTH GRADE—" the door suddenly swung open and Jamie appeared, looking scared.

"Okay, okay." He walked out and grabbed his jacket off the sofa. "I wasn't in there that long." Kat and Jude rolled their eyes, grabbing their jackets as well and walking towards the door. Jamie stopped Jude before she could follow Kat out. "What happened in the seventh grade was a secret, okay? And it's not something I want people to know and—"

"It's okay, Jamie." Jude coughed, trying to contain her laughter yet again. "I won't tell anyone." Jamie looked relieved.

"Good. Because then," Jamie shut the door behind them as they walked out, looking mischievous, "I'd have to tell people about that one time you drank toilet water."

"Jamie! I was _three_! And _you_ drank it with me!"

----------

They'd been at the party for about an hour, and after her entrance Jude had been hanging out with Jamie and Kat, talking and mingling with the other guests. She'd gotten her present when she first got here, and it had been _totally_ worth coming for. Jude now had a brand new black BMW convertible. It was a beauty. She was so attached she had the keys in her back pocket.

"Happy Birthday, Jude." Jude glanced up when the words were spoken, somewhat surprised. Her dad smiled at her.

"Dad… hi." Jamie and Kat said a quick hello to her dad and ran off, leaving Jude alone with him. She gave him a tight smile, unsure what else to say. She'd barely spoken to her dad since he'd left. A few phone calls here and there, but really… nothing. And it sucked. She missed her dad, but she was still so upset with him. "I didn't… know you were coming."

"And miss my little girl's birthday? No way!" He glanced around, scanning the crowd. He gaze moved back to Jude after a moment. "Jude… I know things have been strained with us lately, but I don't want that anymore."

"Guess you should have thought of that before, Dad." As soon as she spoke the words, her dad's face fell. He looked down for a moment.

"Jude, I know I made a mistake, but you're my daughter, and I want to be in your life." Jude glanced away, trying to control her emotions.

"Well right now, Dad, my life is pretty messed up, okay? I have to deal with you and mom and Sadie and… it's really hard. Mom's doing okay. But you and Sadie… god, I've barely talked to you since that night, and Sadie… I've barely spoken to her either—"

"What?" Stuart Harrison looked shocked. "You… you and Sadie haven't been talking?"

"No… not really. I mean, it was messy between us before she left, but now that she's at college we barely talk. God, dad, how could you not know that? Sadie practically hates me. She blames me for what happened between you and mom—" Jude stopped, sighing. "I'm not… I don't want to do this. I have to go."

"Jude—"

"Don't, dad." Jude turned and walked away, quickly moving towards the studios in the back. Jamie and Kat popped out of nowhere and Jude jumped.

"Jude, are you okay? I mean, we could—"

"I'm fine, I just… I just want to be alone for a minute, okay?" She spoke softly. Jamie opened his mouth, about to say something, but Jude interrupted. "Seriously, I'm fine. Just give me a minute, okay? If I'm not out in five minutes I give you permission to send a search party, okay?" She waited for them to agree before turning again and heading for the studio.

"Jude, we saw Sadie." Jamie spoke quickly. Jude turned back around, shocked. "We just wanted to tell you."

"Oh… thanks." She felt a small spark of hope. Sadie had come to her party to see her. Maybe they would start talking again. They could hang out… be sisters again. Because after the past year, Jude knew that not having her sister was a real downer. She missed her. Her hopes soaring, Jude still headed for the studio. She wanted to think about things for a moment before going to find Sadie and facing everyone else again.

She pushed the door open to studio B, which she had been working in the past few weeks. As soon as the door flew open, she froze, her hopes completely crashing and burning. She went cold, staring at what, or rather who, was standing in front of her. Tommy and Sadie had been in the room, kissing. Jude had walked in on Tommy… and Sadie. _Kissing._ Tommy, the guy she pretty much loved, and Sadie, her own sister.

"Jude—" Tommy had broken away from Sadie. He started walking towards Jude. She put her hand up, and he stopped. "Jude, this isn't—" Jude didn't wait to see what Tommy had to say. She walked out of the room quickly, pushing past people to get outside. Once she was there she ran towards her new car and, grabbing the keys out of her pocket, jumped in and started the ignition. Her hands had started to shake, and the tears she had tried to stop before overflowed from her eyes, streaming down her cheeks. She heard someone call her name, and quickly put the car into gear and sped out of the parking lot.

----------

Jude didn't get very far. She wasn't stupid, and when her hands kept shaking and she could barely see through her tears, she pulled into the closet place she could, which just happened to be the dock where Tommy and she went to together to write songs occasionally. An added bonus to the evening.

"God! I'm so stupid!" Jude banged her fists on the steering wheel. She jumped when the horn sounded, which made her even angrier. She jumped out of the car, walking towards the water. Once she got there, she sat down on the rocks, watching as the water moved by slowly. Her life was _so_ messed up.

_TBC…_

**Review please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Again, I want to thank all you awesome reviewers!!! You guys rock.

_Under My Skin_

**Chapter 5**

Jude had been sitting by the river for a good amount of time before she decided to go. She knew no matter how long she sat out there, nothing was going to change. Her dad will still have cheated on her mom and be living in an apartment. Her mom will still be acting weird. And Tommy and Sadie will still have… still have kissed. So why bother staying?

She slid into her car and turned the ignition on. At least she had this. She didn't have to rely on someone else to give her a ride. That would definitely have cramped her style earlier. With a sigh, she headed home. Her mom wouldn't be expecting her. She was supposed to stay at Kat's, but she didn't feel like it. Her mom might still be at the party. Jude hoped not, though, because she wouldn't mind having some mother-daughter time right about now.

She felt a little sense of relief, though, when she saw her mom's car in the driveway. She parked her car behind her mom's and hoped out. Her spirits were rising. She hadn't spent a lot of time with her mom lately, and this was her chance. The door was open, so she walked right in. And froze in her tracks for the second time that night. There were sounds coming from upstairs. Weird. Jude walked quietly up the stairs and the noises lead her to her mom's bedroom. Oh god. _No way_.

Jude quickly turned and headed for her bedroom. There was no way she was staying here. But she needed to get a couple of things first. She made sure she was quiet as she packed a bag of clothes, toiletries, and a few other things. She grabbed the wad of cash she always had hidden under her bed, stuffing it in the bag as well. She had a credit card, but she might as well take the cash too. She grabbed her guitar and notebook and headed down the stairs. Shutting the front door quietly behind her, she headed for her car.

----------

Okay, so she wasn't really running away or anything. She just decided she didn't want to spend the night at her house where her mom and some guy were doing the houchy-pouchy. And she didn't want to deal with Kat and Jamie. They were great, but… she just needed some time to think about things. And she definitely wasn't staying with her dad. So that really left only one option. And no, it wasn't Tommy. Yeah right.

It was SME. Or rather, the band's loft. They didn't live in the nicest part of town, but it was the worst, either. More like… the second worst. Since they weren't in school anymore (they had graduated last year) Jude didn't get to see them as much as she had in the summer, when they had basically lived together on a bus. It hadn't been pretty, but for the most part, it had worked out okay. And now, here she was: standing outside their apartment door, holding her bags and guitar case.

She knew for a fact they'd been invited to her party, but she also knew the guys, and their idea of a good time wasn't at the studio partying with executives. She set her case down and knocked on the door. She heard a few shouts come from inside, and a moment later, the door opened, Spiederman standing in the opening. He grinned when he saw her.

"Harrison! What took you so long?" He moved back so she could come inside. "You said you would come visit us, like, a month ago." Jude set her bags down next to the beat up sofa.

"I know, I've just been so busy—"

"Dude!" Jude turned and grinned at Kyle and Wally as they walked into the room. She gave each of them a hug. "I'm so happy to see you guys!"

"Moving somewhere?" Wally had glanced down at her bags. Jude shrugged.

"Maybe." The boys glanced at each other. Jude fidgeted while she waited. "Look, guys, I just need a place to crash at for a couple of days. Nothing permanent, I swear."

Spiederman grinned. "Guy's, you know what this means." The guys all nodded, grinning. Jude looked from face to face.

"What?"

"We need to celebrate." Wally spoke, his grin widening. Jude was still confused.

"Why?"

"Because we've finally got a girl who wants to spend the night!" The guys all started cracking up. Jude shook her head, rolling her eyes. _You picked 'em, Harrison._

----------

"I think I'm going to be sick." Kyle spoke slowly, setting the bowl of popcorn concoction down. Jude shook her head. They were all gathered around the common area, spread over the one big couch and two overstuffed chairs. Spiederman had dared Kyle and Wally to eat a whole bowl of the popcorn concoction that he had made that had god-knows-what in it. Only Kyle had been the unfortunate one to agree.

"That was sick, man. I can't believe you actually ate it." Wally was surveying Kyle with a look of half pity, half disgust. Spiederman grinned.

"Seriously, dude. I put everything we had in the fridge on it. Hot sauce, jelly, mustard, ketchup, chocolate syrup—"

"Okay! Enough! I don't want to hear anymore." Jude felt her face pale a little as Spiederman spoke. If he kept going, _she_ might be the one who got sick. Kyle didn't speak, simply glared at Spiederman from across the room. Jude was sitting next to Wally on the couch. They glanced at each other and shook their heads. What went on in the minds of Kyle and Spiederman was unknown to most people.

"I'm gonna go lay down…" Kyle slowly lifted himself from the chair and made his way down the narrow hallway to his room. Wally stood as well.

"I'm hitting the sheets too. I've got work tomorrow." Jude glanced up from the spot she had been investigating on the floor.

"Job?" Wally nodded.

"I work at the coffee shop across the street." Jude nodded. She glanced at Spiederman in question. Wally laughed before Spiederman could answer. "Like lazy-ass there has a job. He sits at home all day playing guitar and eating. If we're lucky, he bathes occasionally." Spiederman threw a pillow at Wally, who had made a dash for his bedroom. The pillow hit the wall next to Wally's head. He stuck his head back out to say a quick, "Night, Jude," before disappearing behind the door.

"So Harrison, you want to sleep in my bed? I promise to share the covers." Spiederman had switched onto the sofa next to Jude. She shook her head, her eyes twinkling.

"Sorry, Spiederman, but I'm only attracted to real men." Spiederman scoffed.

"What? Like Little Tommy Q? Please, Harrison. I'm more man than he'll ever be…" Jude's face fell when Spiederman mentioned Tommy. He must have noticed, because the look of cockiness vanished from his face. "Ah, sorry…I didn't mean…"

"No, it's fine. I just…" She shook her head, forcing a smile. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"Jude, you can talk to me." Spiederman brushed his hair out of his eyes, facing her fully. "I know I'm a total douche around the guys, but…" Jude laughed. "Is that what happened tonight? Something with Quincy? Do I need to get the guys and go kick his ass?"

"No!" Jude pushed Spiederman down as he tried to rise from the sofa. "It's not… I just… my party was tonight and I saw Tommy kissing… Sadie." Jude brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She felt tears prickling at her eyes. "It's stupid, I know, but…"

"It's not stupid, Jude." Spiederman moved closer to Jude, wrapping an arm around her. "Quincy's an ass, that's all. And I hate to say it, but your sister is kind of a bitch." Jude shook her head, smiling a little.

"I haven't talked to her since my dad left. She pretty much hates me. My mom is getting it on with some guy at our house, so I'm never going back there, and I thought Tommy…" Jude wiped a hand under her eyes, brushing away her tears. "Nevermind. It doesn't matter. Not anymore, at least."

"I'll tell you what, Harrison." Spiederman stood and offered Jude a hand, pulling her to her feet. "You can have the spare room. We've been meaning to find another roommate. You can stay as long as you like."

"Are you serious?" At Spiederman's nod, Jude launched herself onto him, wrapping her arms around him. "Thank you so much! I'll be the best roommate ever!" Spiederman grinned.

"You smell nice and don't grunt. You'll be amazing."

----------

Jude slowly woke up. Spiederman had shown her the spare room, which had a double bed, bureau, nightstand, and light. She had deposited her stuff and after changing into a tank top and boxers, had fallen right asleep. She was now becoming aware of what had woken her up. Something was licking her face. Jude's eyes snapped open, meeting a pair of chocolate brown ones. Jude screamed, pushing up onto her arms and shoving herself away from the thing. She landed with a thump on the floor, the blanket she had stolen from the sofa tangling around her.

She quickly untangled herself and stood up, looking at her bed, where the licking culprit was now sitting. It was a big, brown, scruffy looking dog. He was now sitting on her bed, his long pink tongue hanging out as he panted. Jude wasn't scared of dogs; she just wasn't expecting one to be licking her face as she woke up.

"Hey, doggie… nice doggie…" Jude slowly put her hand out, letting the mutt sniff her fingers. He started licking them after a moment. Jude slowly relaxed, bringing her hand up to rub the dogs head. Jude turned her head toward the door as Spiederman slowly walked in, wearing only sweatpants hanging low; his chest bare. Jude was used to seeing the guys shirtless after living on a tour bus with them all summer, but she noticed that Spiederman now had his nipples pierced. He yawned and rubbed a hand over his eyes.

"Harrison, is there a reason you're screaming like a chick from a bad horror movie?" Jude turned back to the dog, who was enjoying himself immensely as she scratched his head.

"Is there a reason you forgot to mention you had a dog?" Spiederman walked over to the bed and stood next to Jude, staring down at the dog.

"We don't have a dog." Jude pulled her hand back, staring at the dog. She turned to Spiederman.

"Are you kidding?"

"No." Spiderman turned and walked out of the room. Jude followed him out into the kitchen, glancing back at the dog as she left. He opened the fridge and pulled out a jug of orange juice, twisting the cap off and drinking a gulp. He glanced at Jude, offering her the jug. She shook her head, making a face. He shrugged. "It's our neighbor's dog, Mr. Tinkles."

"Mr. Tinkles? What kind of name is that?" Spiederman grabbed a box of pop tarts from one of the cabinets and set them on the table, pulling out a pack for himself. He took a bite of one before answering.

"He likes to pee on things." Jude had been reaching for the pop tart box, but stopped in mid-motion.

"What kind of things?"

"All kinds of things." Spiederman continued to munch on his pop tart.

"Like bags?" Spiederman finally got her train of thought. He glanced up quickly.

"Uh, yeah." Jude ran back to her room in time to see Mr. Tinkles finishing up his business in her bag. She felt Spiederman standing behind her. She glanced at him, her eyes narrowing. He shrugged, lifting his hands in surrender, a pop tart still in one. Kyle had just emerged from his room and came to a stop beside them, glancing into the room. He took the pop tart from Spiederman's hand and bit off a corner.

"I guess you met Mr. Tinkles."

----------

Jude was sitting on the sofa in the common room, still wearing her boxers, but now also a band shirt Spiederman had let her borrow; her hair wet from the shower she had just taken. All the guys were out. Wally had left before she had woken up to go work at the coffee shop. Kyle had headed off a little while ago to go work at the music shop a few blocks over, and Spiederman had left to "run some errands." He had taken her clothes and bag to the laundry room down the hall to wash earlier; she was simply waiting for them to be done drying. So here she was, sitting all alone in the loft, waiting for her clothes.

Mr. Tinkles had left to go back to his side of the building, happy as could be. Jude had to admit she did like the dog, even though he had peed on her bag. She was debating whether or not to call Kat and Jamie. She knew they were worried about her, but she didn't really feel like answering all the questions she knew they would be asking. Then again, if things were reversed, she would have wanted either one of them to call her. She walked back into her room, grabbing her cell phone from the nightstand.

She had turned it off last night, and once she turned it back on, the screen flashed that she had twenty-three missed calls and seven messages. She ignored them and scrolled down to Kat's number, pressing send once she was there. It only took a moment for Kat to answer.

"Jude! Oh my god, are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you? Do you need medical attention? Should I call the police? Are you—"

"Kat! Calm down, I'm fine." Jude shook her head, making her way back out to the common area, flopping down onto the sofa.

"Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down? Everyone's been looking everywhere for you. No one knew where you were. We thought you ran away or been kidnapped or gotten into an accident or—"

"Whoa, wait a minute. What?" Jude sat up. "What do you mean everybody's looking for me?"

"Your parents, me, Jamie, Sadie, Tommy… and I'm pretty sure he's got the whole police force looking for you too." Jude groaned, her head falling into her hands.

"Great. This is so embarrassing."

"It's not that bad." She could feel Kat shrug on the other line. "But I think if you're not found in a couple of hours Tommy might bring in the army."

"Uh. Great." Jude stood, pacing the room. After a moment she spoke. "Look, Kat, I didn't mean to scare everyone, but I need some time, okay? I just… some things happened and I just… need to think."

"Sadie told us what happened." Jude froze. Kat continued. "She feels really bad, Jude. And I'm not saying what she did was okay or anything, I'm just saying she knows she was wrong. When we figured out you didn't go to your mom's, she helped us look for you." Jude gave a short laugh.

"Yeah, I'll bet she's sorry." Jude shook her head. "Can you just tell everyone I'm okay, and that I just need some time to myself?"

"Jude—"

"Kat, please?" There was silence on the other line for a moment.

"Fine." She finally spoke, "but only for a day or two." Jude grinned.

"Thanks, Kat."

"But you better call me or Jamie if you need anything. Or just want to hang." Jude nodded, a smile tugging at her mouth.

"I know. I promise." She flopped back down onto the sofa.

"Where are you, anyway?"

"I'm at SME's loft. I'm going to stay with them for a while." She told Kat about going home last night. "So I don't think I want to go back there anytime soon..."

"Wow." Kat spoke. "That's… I'm mean, eww, but… I'm sorry, Jude."

"Its fine, I guess. I need to find a place of my own anyway. It'll just be a little sooner than I thought." She played with the end of the band shirt. "It's really fine. I'll be fine. I just…"

"It sucks?" Kat offered.

"Yeah. A little." Jude shook her head, brushing her hair away from her face. "Why don't you guys come over tonight? We can hang out and watch a movie or something."

"Sounds good. Me and Jamie will bring the pizza?" Jude agreed, and after a few more minutes, hung up. She glanced around the room. Band posters covered the semi-crumbling wall. She jumped when the door opened, and Spiederman walked in, carrying a basket filled with her clothes and a brown bag on top. Jude followed him into the kitchen as he set the basket down and took the bag off.

"Thanks for washing my clothes." Spiederman nodded, pulling out hoagies from the brown bag. He threw one at Jude, who almost dropped it. They sat down at the table and ate their sandwiches. Jude went to the fridge to grab some sodas, and when she came back Spiederman was holding up a pair of her silk red panties that Kat had given to her as a joke.

"Nice wears, Harrison." Jude felt her face flame as Spiederman smirked. She grabbed the underwear and stuck them back into the basket, pushing it away from him. He was still laughing when there was a knock on the door. Jude quickly stood and ran over to the door, looking into the peephole. Her heart froze once she saw who it was. _Tommy_. She quickly turned her back on the door, leaning against it. Spiederman was watching her.

"You going to open the door?" Jude shook her head. She didn't want to talk to him. Not right now. She needed to think. Spiederman stood and walked over to the door.

"Jude?" Tommy's voice came through the door, sounding tired and a little angry. "Jude, I know you're in there. I talked to Kat. She told me you were here." Jude silently cursed Kat. The girl could never keep a secret. "Please, Jude, just let me talk to you."

"I can't talk to him. Not right now." Jude spoke softly to Spiederman.

"You're going to have to sooner or later. He is your producer."

"Later sounds better." She walked into her room and sat down on the bed. She heard Spiederman open the door, and a rumble of his and Tommy's voices as they spoke. Jude breathed a sigh of relief. Then the voices got louder, and finally she walked back out into the common area to find the door halfway open and Spiederman arguing with Tommy.

"Jude doesn't want to talk to you, Quincy, so why don't you—"

"I need to talk to Jude, you little—" Both of the guys looked pissed, and Jude could sense they were probably going to come to blows soon. She took a deep breath and spoke.

"Spiederman, it's okay." Both of the guys looked over at her when she spoke. Her eyes were on Tommy, though. He was wearing the same dress shirt from last night. His hair was messy, and Jude had a feeling it was because he had run his hands through it. It was a nervous habit of his. And he looked tired. Dark circles under his eyes and a hint of shadow on his face. But even so… he looked good. Really, really good. All she wanted to do was walk over to him and kiss him.

And then she remembered why she was at SME's loft in the first place. Tommy and Sadie. She could barely think of it. But that didn't really matter because she had seen it. Right in front of her. Tommy's arms on Sadie… his mouth… Jude gave herself a metal slap in the face. She wasn't going to think about that. She brought herself back to the present. Tommy was staring at her, and Spiederman was glaring at Tommy.

"Jude, you don't have to—"

"No, it's fine." She spoke softly, turning to Spiederman. "Give us a minute." Spiederman glared at Tommy for a moment longer before walking inside, stopping next to Jude.

"If you need me—"

"I'll scream like a girl." Jude gave him a small smile and walked out into the hallway, shutting the door behind her. She turned to Tommy. They stared at each other for a minute. Finally Jude spoke.

"You said you wanted to talk. So talk." She heard Tommy sigh; watched him run a hand through his hair. His eyes ran over her attire, which still consisted of bowers and Spiederman's shirt. His eyes were darker when they met her gaze.

"Did you sleep with him?" Jude's jaw dropped. Was he seriously asking her that? She sputtered for a moment before finally able to speak.

"You… I can't believe… you're such an ass! What right do you have to come here and ask me that? You're the one who was making out with my sister! Did you sleep with _her_?" Tommy sighed and ran his hand through his hair again, turning away from her.

"I'm sorry… Jude, I'm sorry about what happened at the party." Tommy started pacing. "Sadie said she walked to talk to me. We went to talk in the studio and then she kissed me. That's when you walked in. Nothing else happened, I swear."

Jude gave a short, humorless laugh. "Right."

"Jude… that's the truth. Nothing else happened." Jude walked over to Tommy, stopping him in his path. "It doesn't matter anyway, Tommy. We aren't dating or anything. We can see whoever we want. Do whatever we want. And that's why when I tell you I'm going on tour with Shay, you aren't going to mind."

"What?!" Tommy's face darkened. "You are _not_ going on tour with Shay! You have no idea what it's like on that kind of tour. You'd never make it."

"Never make it?" Jude scoffed. "Right. I'm going on tour with him. Maybe I'll even take a hint from Little Tommy Q and get hitched. I'm sure I could find some guy out there who'd have me!"

"Jude, you have no idea what you're talking about—"

"Oh, right, and you do? You don't own me, Tommy. I can do whatever the hell I want."

"If you think I'm letting you go—"

"You're not _letting_ me do anything, Tommy! I'll do what I want. And, hey, maybe I'll even hook up with Shay. I mean, we'll be traveling together for a whole summer. That's a long time."

"Jude—"

"What are you even doing here? What do you care? God, Tommy," Jude shook her head, feeling tears start to form, "What is it exactly that you want? You don't want me, that's for sure. So why hang around? Why go to all this trouble—"

"Because I love you!" Tommy shouted, his eyes dark. Jude's mouth fell open. "I don't know how it happened and I don't know why but everyday I wake up and think of you. I can't wait to go to the studio and see you. I can't wait to work with you; make music with you, and every night I go to bed and think of you. And then it starts all over again. And I can't take it. I can't take having to hide my feelings. But you're seventeen, Jude. I'm twenty-two. This isn't good. Not for your publicity, not for—"

"I don't care! It doesn't matter anymore, Tommy." Jude looked up at the ceiling, blinking away tears. "It doesn't matter… I can't do this anymore. I don't want to." She glanced back at him. "We'll finish this album, and then…I don't know. Maybe I'll find a new producer. I just don't know."

"Jude—"

"No. Please, Tommy," Jude met his eyes, trying and failing to fight back the tears. "You don't understand. I can't do this. I have so many things happening right now… with my parents, and Sadie… I can't take anymore from you. You break my heart, Tommy, and I can't take it. Not anymore." Tommy was leaning back against the far wall. His eyes were on hers, the usual warm chocolate brown now dark. "I'll see you at the studio." She turned and opened the door, walking in and shutting it behind her.

Spiederman was in the kitchen, and she gave him a small smile as she walked to her room. She shut the door behind her and slid to the ground, her whole body shaking. She wrapped her arms around herself, sobbing uncontrollably. It was over.

_TBC…_

**Review please!!**


	6. Chapter 6

_Under My Skin_

**Chapter 6**

"Jude?" Kat's voice followed by a knock woke Jude up. She was still on the ground in front of the door to her room. She must have fallen asleep once she had stopped crying… whenever that had been. She slowly stood, her body protesting her movements. Sleeping on the floor was not the most comfortable spot. She glanced in the mirror hanging on the wall and groaned. Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were still a little puffy and red from her tears. She quickly wiped a hand over her face and through her hair. Another knock sounded on her door. She pulled it open. Kat stood there. She surveyed Jude for a moment before opening her arms and walking in, meeting Jude in an embrace.

"It's over." Jude could feel another round of tears coming. Kat pulled back and pushed Jude's hair out of her face. She gave her a small smile.

"When are you and Tommy ever over?" Jude gave a small laugh, turning towards her bed. Kat shut the door and followed her, flopping down next to her on the bed.

"This time… Kat, I really let it loose. I told him he broke my heart, and that I couldn't do it anymore. Then I ran in here and balled my eyes out like a five year old. I feel _so_ stupid."

"You're not stupid. He is. And believe me, Jude, he knows this. I guarantee he's going to be brooding for the rest of the week. No doubt. The man loves you." Jude sighed, draping her arm over her eyes.

"I don't know… you think so?"

"I know so." Kat rose up off the bed and dragged Jude up. "Come on. I will not let you lay here and wallow in self pity. You will get dressed and come hang out with everyone. And tonight I will stay over and we'll make a plan; a plan that will bring Little Tommy Q down to his knees." Jude glanced at Kat, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Really?" Kat grinned.

"Yes." She glanced down at Jude's clothes. "Now you want to tell me why you're wearing some guy's clothes? Did you have sex!?" For the second time that day, Jude's jaw dropped.

"What? No!"

----------

Jude was alone in the studio. Last night she had finally dragged herself out of her room (after Kat nagging her for hours) and watched movies with SME and Jamie. It had been fun, and she hadn't thought of Tommy… much. In the morning she had woken up to find Kat fast asleep in her bed; Jamie asleep on the sofa. She knew they had stayed for her, and that made her smile. She really had the best friends. SME didn't mention anything to Jude when she had emerged from her room, her eyes still red, and Jude had a feeling Kat had talked to everyone beforehand.

She brushed her fingers over her guitar strings. It was the guitar Tommy had given her. She had thought about using her old one, but this one had just been sitting there, and she couldn't help but pick it up. Tommy hadn't been at the studio all day. She had come in expecting awkwardness, but only found Kwest. He didn't mention Tommy, and Jude followed suite. She had simply rerecorded some of her songs for the new album, and now she was trying to figure out the melody to a new one she had in her head. The song had come to her today.

"_Help me breathe,_

_Help me believe,_

_You seem really glad that I am sad."_

Her fingers were moving very slowly over the guitar. She closed her eyes, letting the words flow out of her mouth softly. She wasn't exactly sure what – or who – the song was about. She wasn't sure if it was partially about Tommy, or if it was simply the feelings she had about him.

"_You are not my friend,_

_I cannot pretend that you are._

_You made it sting,_

_Your voice is ringing,_

_Just like the boys who laughed at me in school."_

She was surprised when she heard piano keys. She didn't open her eyes, though, just kept playing. She couldn't stop yet.

"_You are not my friend,_

_I cannot pretend anymore._

_You found a place,_

_No one should ever go."_

She opened her eyes, and for some reason, wasn't that surprised to see Tommy sitting in front of the piano. She met his eyes as she finished the song.

"_I'll be ok,_

_'cause when I back away,_

_I'm gonna keep the handle of your gun in sight."_

Her fingers stilled as she finished the song. She waited a moment before setting the guitar into its case. She tucked a strained of her hair behind her ear, standing up from her seat on the stool. She waited for Tommy to speak. He was still sitting in the same spot, watching her. She gave him a small smile.

"It was missing something before. The piano made it perfect." Tommy shrugged, standing up from the bench.

"Finishing touches." He walked around the piano to stand in front of her. "Where'd that come from?" She didn't need to ask what he was referring to. This time she shrugged.

"I don't know." They were silent for a few minutes. Finally, Jude moved to grab her bag. Tommy's hand on her arm stopped her. She turned to meet his gaze.

"I'm leaving." Jude stopped breathing. "Georgia wants me to check out a new artist. It'll only be for a week, two tops. Kwest will work with you until I get back." Jude looked down, trying to hide her face from him. She didn't want him to see what she must have looked like when he said those first two words. She let out a small breath.

"Okay, fine." She moved to collect her bag, swinging it over her shoulder. She snapped her guitar case closed and picked it up. Tommy was still standing in the same place, looking at the floor.

"Jude, listen…I wanted to talk to you about the other day…"

"Tommy, there's nothing to talk about." She shrugged, walking towards the door. She stopped in front of him. Her eyes connected with his. "I'll see you when you get back?"

"Yeah." Neither one of them moved. Jude bit her lip, trying to stop herself from saying something she would regret later. She set her guitar and bag down and stood up on her toes, her arms wrapping around Tommy in a hug. His arms encircled her waist in return, coming to a rest on her back. His face was buried in her hair. She closed her eyes, trying to control her feelings. She could feel Tommy's heartbeat against her chest; his breath in her hair. And she loved it. She loved being near him; being with him. She loved how he felt, how he smelled, everything about him. She loved _him_. And she didn't want to let go.

She could feel tears starting to form in her eyes, and she let her arms drop down to her sides, her face turned away from him. His arms dropped slowly, his hands hovering near her waist. She felt his hand on her face as he moved it towards him. He was watching her with sad eyes. "Jude…"

"I'm going to go. I'll see you when you get back." She picked up her bag and guitar and left the studio, not looking back.

----------

_Three weeks later…_

"Harrison!" Hearing her name being shouted from the bathroom, Jude grinned, twisting the cap back onto the nail polish. Spiederman emerged from the bathroom, holding a box out in front of him with two fingers. "Didn't we talk about you keeping your female stuff in _your_ room?" Jude laughed.

"I think we did… but I chose to ignore it." She grabbed the box of tampons from Spiederman's fingers, careful not to mess up her newly polished nails. She deposited them back in the bathroom, sticking them in her basket sitting in the closet. Spiederman followed her in, wearing a horrified expression.

"But… this is a guy place. With guy things."

"Well now it's a guy place _and_ a girl place. You said I could stay here. You're not kicking me out, are you?" She pouted her lips at him. Spiederman rolled his eyes, exiting the bathroom and walking into the kitchen. He made a face at the nail polish smell.

"Are you sure that stuff is safe to inhale?" This time Jude rolled her eyes.

"Positive. Well, I think it is. I've been inhaling it my whole life and I turned out okay, right?" Spiederman smirked.

"I think that's a matter of opinion." Jude sent him a glare before heading to her room. They (SME and Jude) were playing at a club tonight. It had been Spiederman's idea, since they hadn't played a show together in a while, and the rest of the guys had agreed. Georgia said it was fine (which Jude knew meant that there were going to be some reporters in the club) but she didn't care. She just wanted to play. She had written some new songs, one of which she was going to play tonight. It was darker than her usual material, but she loved it.

----------

"Have you heard anything from Tommy?" Kat was sitting next to her sipping a soda at the bar. Jude made a face, setting her water down.

"No." It had been three weeks, and Tommy still wasn't back, and she hadn't heard a word from him. Not even a phone call. Nothing. Nada. _Ugh, stop it Jude, you're going to drive yourself crazy!_

"I'm sure he'll be back soon." Kat patted her back, to which Jude laughed. Kat was always patting her back. The club was packed. They were about to go on. The band was on stage setting up their equipment. Jude smiled at Kat.

"I better get up there before they start without me."

"I can't wait to hear your new song!" Jamie had appeared next to Kat, stealing Jude's seat. She grinned, heading towards the stage. She was excited about performing the new song. Singing it made her feel so much better. It let her emotions get out. She adjusted her microphone, sticking her tongue out at Kyle as he walked past her and tried unsuccessfully to trip her. Once the band was step up, her gaze slid over the audience. There really were a lot of people. The lights went out, and a spotlight lit up the stage. People started screaming, and Jude grinned. She turned to look at the band, speaking into the microphone.

"You boys ready to play?" At that, the music started. They did a few of her old songs, and covered a few others. The crowd was going crazy. She was sweating under the lights and couldn't be happier. There was nothing like performing in front of a crowd. Adrenaline was coursing through her system. When they finally finished the last song, she pushed her damp hair back from her face.

"You guys have been awesome tonight! Our last song we're gonna play is a new one," the noise rose, "and I think you guys are gonna like it!" She nodded to Spiederman, and the band started playing the song. The music was loud, and Jude could feel it pounding out of the speakers into her body.

"_If you feel so empty_

_So used so let down_

_If you feel so angry_

_So ripped off so stepped on_

_You're not the only one_

_Refusing to back down_

_You're not the only one_

_So get up_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot"_

Jude loved singing this song, and performing it was even better. And with the band playing, it was amazing.

"_If you feel so filthy_

_So dirty so fucked up_

_If you feel so walked on_

_So painful so pissed off_

_You're not the only one_

_Refusing to go down_

_You're not the only one_

_So get up_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot"_

She had taken the microphone out of the stand and was moving all over the stage now. She was angry now, and it only added to the song. She was angry at Tommy, her dad, her mom, Sadie… she was just angry.

"_If you feel so empty_

_So used up, so let down_

_If you feel so angry_

_Just get up_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot"_

She finished the song practically screaming. The crowd was so loud it was the only thing she could hear. She put the microphone back in its stand. She knew she should say something to the crowd, but she couldn't. She felt so angry… so _pissed_…and all she wanted to do at the moment was hit someone. And since she wasn't going to do that, she simply left the stage. She went out of the club through the backdoor, sighing in relief when the cool air hit her warm body. She slid down the brick wall, her arms resting on her knees. Her head fell back onto the wall, her eyes closed.

She wanted everything to be fixed. She wanted everything to go back to normal. She still hadn't talked to her dad. She hadn't spoken to her mom except to tell her she was moving into SME's apartment. And _that_ hadn't gone over too well.

_One week ago…_

"Jude, I am not letting you live with three teenage boys!" Jude had gone back to her house to get the rest of her things. She was officially moving into the band's apartment.

"Mom, I'm not asking if I can. I am. I'm not living here anymore." Jude was stuffing her things into boxes. Her mom was standing in her doorway.

"I'm not letting you do this! What about school?"

"Georgia is getting me tutors. I'll been done in a few months." She taped up the boxes and picked one up, moving towards the door. She walked down the stairs and out to her car, setting the box in the back. She walked back up to her room, picking up the last box. That was everything. She glanced around the room. She wasn't going to miss it. Not anymore. Her mom blocked her path out of her room.

"Jude, you can't just leave. I'm your mother!" Jude shook her head, biting her lip.

"Mom, I'm leaving. I can't live in this place anymore. Not with dad and Sadie gone. And not with you bringing random guys home to have sex with!" Her mother's face paled.

"That is none of your business, young lady!"

"Whatever. I don't care. I'm going." She tried to move past her mom, but she grabbed her upper arm, holding onto it tightly. She met her other's eyes. "Let go of me." They stood like that for a few more moments before her mom released her, tears streaming down her face. She turned and left the room, leaving Jude standing alone. She glanced once more back at her room before leaving.

She hadn't wanted it to happen like that. She didn't want to be angry with her mom, but she just couldn't help it. She _was_ angry with her. She was angry and she was upset. She was upset that her entire family was in ruins. Her dad was living with some woman she barely knew. Sadie had gone back to college… and Tommy. _Where the hell was he? How could he not call?_

----------

_Present…_

Jude was returning to the apartment the next day after running to the store for food. Her cell rang, and she immediately threw her bags of food on the ground and flipped it open, her heart beating wildly.

"Hello?"

"Jude!" Jude's heart sunk. It was Georgia. "You're performance last night was amazing! Everyone's talking about it. I want you to record the new song sometime this week."

"Sure." Her voice sounded depressed, even to her own ears. "Listen, Georgia… wasn't Tommy supposed to be back already? I thought he was only going to be gone for a week."

"I'm sure he'll be back soon. But by the looks of it, you don't even need him. You're doing great by yourself. Kwest will help you out with anything you need." Jude finished the conversation with Georgia and flipped her phone shut. She turned to her fallen bags and picked them up slowly, depositing them in the kitchen. She walked to her room, flopping down onto her bed, pondering things.

_TBC…_

**A/N:**Woops! First song is "Not My Friend," by Norah Jones; second song is "Riot," by Three Days Grace. Both awesome!


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